Clay

I wrote this several years ago and decided to re read. I still agree with what I wrote and decided to post it. I might have previously posted this but I don't think I have. The ideas, while eloquent and thoughtful are presented in a rather crudish way but I still believe the piece has meaning

Freeze Frame

Life is weird. One moment I am coasting along, next moment I am still coasting along. I did not changed directions, and the rest of the world did not change its direction either, and, yet, one finds everything completely different. I guess if the path is curved that will happen without warning. Only way to see the changes is to step back and take a look, so I guess that is what I will do.
I look and see many things I did not see before. Despite the fact I feel as if I have always been going straight, I now realize the path has had many different twists, and curves. It has gone up and down, left and right, winding back and forth. It shoots from way down on the left side to unbelievable heights on the right side only to come back down to the middle. Rarely is it ever looking completely forward. I try to look forward relative to the path, trying to figure out where it will lead, but I can only see a minimal of what lies ahead, and even that is blurry. I blink and suddenly the part of the path that is minimal and obscure almost seems to have changed slightly. I stare at the barely visible path hoping to distinguish where it is heading, but I have no success. I step back some more. Suddenly, I am wondering how I am able to view it like this. Oddly enough, I do not know, but even odder, it does not even matter. As the details of the path become obscure, due to the distance, I notice a greater pattern, but I am too far away to determine where the pattern is heading. I try going closer again, but now I have lost the greater pattern. I back up again so to see the pattern for one last time. It seems to generally be heading upwards, but I still cannot tell if it will continue upwards or where it will go. I simply assume the path will continue its generally upward ascent, but I really do not know.
Curiosity begins to get the better of me. I am more and more curious about what is next on the path. I guess the only way to find out is go down the path some more. I slowly ascend back down to the path, taking notice for the first time of many other paths around me. A vague sense that others are traveling along these paths, and an even vaguer sense that the other paths are just as hard to predict. I have returned to where I left, and continue to coast again. Once again I feel as if I am going straight forward, except now I know, most likely I am following a curved path that will change directions any minute from now, and I will probably not even notice.

1) I just made an excellent appetizer/dinner that I'm extremely proud of

3/8" artisan garlic bread
goat cheese
thinly slice roma tomato and bell pepper
toast in oven

sautéed mushrooms

add mushroom to freshly toasted bread and eat
yummy =)

2) I decided to look at myspace.com. I noticed someone took http://www.myspace.com/claytonian . Now this isn't super uncommon but what is odd is that it is taken by some girl named Sara. I find this quite odd. In other news, I am bored and looking at myspace

In an attempt to get myself to actually start posting again, I decided to create a new post.

It is 10 minutes before I need to leave for work(15 minutes at the absolute latest) and I'm sitting here thinking, I'm about to go to a thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Now this in and of itself is not surprising. The aspect that somewhat perplexes my soul is that I will not be related to anyone at this thanksgiving dinner. To my knowledge, I will have no blood relations anywhere in the state I will be attending thanksgiving dinner. To be more clear, I am going to Cat's hometown to have thanksgiving with her parents.
Not only is this striking me as "woah, holidays with a significant other," but also it strikes me as "what was I thinking? Cat has warned me her family is crazy and does not get along very well." I will tredge forth to Wisconsin expecting the worse, hoping for the best, and enjoying it one way or another.

And since when did I get aprehensive about being around another family?

ok, so this is just an update to say a real update will happen soon, I just need to find the time

Don't you Love Jambalaya? I know you love all my cooking.

Want me to cook for you? I'll be happy to do just that.*






* Must be willing to help me move on Sept 1st(or possibly the 30th, but not needed as much)

seriously, anyone want to help me move? Free food will be involved.

Ok, I normally don't post from work, but the office has reached a new low of retardness.

It is dark and dreary outside right now.
Yesterday the office purchased a new lamp from ikea

So today they decide to turn half the lights off to create "mood lighting" Now note, it is just 1 friggin lamp meant to illuminate a small area. In addition to that, cube walls prevent light from said lamp actually lighting any of the work spaces.

So yeah, My cube is half lit/cover with shadows.

Evidently Houston is filled with cough syrup addicts. According to a channel 13 report 30% of Houston Teenagers have tried cough syrup w/ codine.

I'm curious as to how the stats were collected. I noticed a mention in the article that they surveyed 6 alternative schools in houston. If the alternative schools are the ones that they put kids in who get expelled from other schools...umm major bias anyone?

Yes, this might be a problem, but is it this sever or is this simply fear mongering and a ratings booster?

Article here: http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/news/081605_APlocal_cough.html and channel 11's version: http://www.khou.com/news/local/stories/khou050816_cd_syrup.7bb0a649.html

either every time I drink I drink more or my tolerance is decreasing. eitherer way it sucks...oh well......

I'm listening to CBC Radio 3 right now. They read a listern's letter. The letter contained the word "y'all". The word just sounds funny coming out of a canadian's mouth.

I have the song You're so vain stuck in my head. It sucks

that is all

I'm slowly responding to all the replies to my previous entry. I'll do one or two a day. Sorry I've been busy job searching, enjoying time with a hottie(aka Cat) and working.

1. Reply with just your name and I will write something I like about you.

2. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.

3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.

4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.

5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.

6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.

7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.

8. Put this in your journal.

going steady
exclusive
long term
the one


I am finding it amusing that the current term du jour(sp?) to use when referring to a relationship is "serious". I've had at least 10 people ask me in the past week if my relationship with Cat is "Serious". At first I was amused. Then I began to get bored with the question. I began grouping it with question of "how's the weather? how's your day?....". That is I began to group it with questions that you ask to make polite but wholy bland and civil conversation. I've now gotten to thinking... WHAT THE HEC DOES IT MEAN?

anyway, yes I suppose the relationship is serious....just an interesting observation

I've determined I truly and a fantasy geek.

Some of my favorite books are the Harry Potter Books, Hitch Hikers Guide to the galaxy, almost anything by Ray Bradberry(I just haven't read all of his stuff).

Not only that, but I am getting super pysched about july. Not only is a new season of stargate sg-1 and atlantis starting but also the next Harry Potter book! I can barely wait.

I think I shall further embrace my geekiness :)

well I actually am posting. Don't get too excited though. The post is simply because I found a cool Dashboard widget that I like. It is called zljpost4 :)

Roughly a year ago world got a bit darker. The light became a bit dimmer. I did not know how to react at the time. I did not even know what I felt at the time; I had never felt anything quite so horribly intense previously, and I can't say I've felt it since then.

For longest time I've been telling myself to call his parents and his sister. I've wanted to tell him "I still remember Omer. His life was meaningful and he made my life more meaningful"

I have never been able to do that. I've had the opportunity, yes, but I never could bring myself to do it.

Few days go by where I don't at least momentarily think of him. So many things remind me of him. Occasionally a google search for something overtly geeky will cause his name to pop up. He left behind a myriad of projects and contributions to the open source community.

But his life had meaning way beyond computers and technology.

In high school we stayed up talking and discussing everything from love to politics to school. He imparted on me a strong desire to make the world right and to improve the world. He imparted the desire to think critically and strongly. He imparted the desire to treat people as humans.

So many different memories of him. Some good, some bad. Even the "bad" memories seem like good memories now though....now that no new memories can be formed. Working on bellaire.org, both of us falling in love with ginger, getting food at la madeline...they all seem so recent, yet so far away....

A year ago the world did dim and darken, but at the same time, the amount of pain and suffering also decreased. I still truly believe Omer could have conquered the pain and suffering somehow, I just don't know how.

I still miss Omer and will not forget him, but both the world and myself must move on.....

Another Horsedreamer's Blues - Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows</span>

Well I actually remembered a dream again. This one is a strange one.

I was taking a shower, somewhere on the 3rd floor(not exactly certain where, possibly bellaire high school). I went down to the first floor and was definitely at bellair high school. The strange part was that I hadn't gotten dressed. I was holding a shirt but that is about it. Even more strange was that no one really noticced because I was holding the shirt. I then walked over to a bench and started talking to Ginger. The dream gets stranger still. Ginger was also naked, but because she was at the bench no one would notice. Then for some reason I knew people would start noticing that I was naked if I were to leave the bench. I also was suddenly getting cold and wanted to go back and put clothes on, but I couldn't because then everyone would notice I was naked. So ginger borrowed someone's coat for me(trench coat to be exact) and handed it to me. I then started walking away. At this point I was woken up by my alarm clock.

Truly a bizzare dream.


In other news, houston weather is awesome. I spent nearly all day thursday outside. It was barely 70 degrees and clear sky the entire time. It began to cloud over and rain today though, but that is fine with me. I actually saw rain, not snow, but rain!

Or at least some things won't have to change.


My reasoning: My mathematical homework, asigned by a man with a doctrate in mathematics and head of one of the departments here has assigned homework that is essentially "make these cars crash into each other".


Ok, so it is in the pretext of developing a model of traffic on a bridge/tunnel (in other words, no lane changes) with a certain amount of congestions. Specifically we are analyzing what happens when the first car on the road slows down. Messing around with the congestion level, speed reduction, and reaction time, we can model when the system becomes unstable. Unstable is a mathematical term for cars crashing into each other.

So these type of entries are a bit addicting....on with the show!

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought? (Then post this in your blog and find out what mine would be.)